Idiot “invents” a product, knows nothing about business
Make’s a bad presentation to 5 VC types on national TV
Get’s told to give up their dreams and stop wasting their life in some bollocks idea that no one likes.

But this still doesn’t stop these people, they actually do believe they are right and these millionaires are wrong.

Prime example of the premise was last night. Some insane woman gives up her job, draws a friggin chart, says to her kids, “yeah if you if behave ill take you out for a walk and put a little picture on this piece of paper” WTF!?!?!?!?! She seriously wasted my time watching her saying how this piece of paper “changes lives” - no it doesn’t retard, it pisses people off, people like me.

Then on comes some “inventor” with a fucking toaster & a windmill - starts bleating on about all this crap i didn’t understand and still didn’t explain what the shit he had!!

Either way he got fuck all - but Duncan gave him a good dressing down.

If i was on that panel and wasn’t allowed to install a trapdoor to activate from my chair to get rid of these morons, i would have some sort of midget on a leash (his name would be NickNack) that i could send over to kick these idiot’s asses the minute they start pissing me off.

And, i’d use him on Theo Fucking Paphitis, if i hear him say something like “Mrs P wont like that” or “so you want me to give you my children’s inheritance for that?” again; i’m going to kick the shit out of the TV.

However, still a highlight on the weekly TV calendar - next week it’s a “what happened next” type show, so we’ll see where the people have wasted the money that was invested in them.

Barry doing cash jobs on the side and not cutting his agent in on the deal HAHAHAAHHAHAAHHA BARRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pat & Roy must be proud now he can artex & do gutters hahahahahahaa!!

Now, i get some Grub Smith wannabe, Ed Leigh, on an “challenge adventure” V Alex Roy, who used to be worthy of respect.
Don’t make me fucking laugh.

The whole show now is this Ed idiot & Roy having to collect things each episode or they lose, but they actually don’t “lose” anything, they carry on to the next checkpoint as if nothing happened. WTF?!?!!?!? If it was any sort of real challenge then at least they should lose a body part or have to walk to the next stage or some shit, but then still, why the fuck am i being forced into 30 minutes of watching them take Polaroid’s of with police men, or collecting shirts from the backs of Thai peasants who probably can’t afford to replace them?!?!?!?

There’s about 2 minutes of footage of the cars and no onboard shots of these people breaking the law at ridiculous speeds.
Seriously gay.

I forgave Max Cooper for essentially turning it into a yuppie/cad tour, some of the recent “celebrities” that have been through there were amusing, and actually knew how to drive, Jodie Kidd for example, now replaced by following Martine McCutchinson!?!?!!?!?!?!?
WTF!!! Seriously.
But extreme have almost turned into a Glastonbury Festival type event: it was legendary; everyone had heard about it and wanted to go, but, you start getting people that are going because its “cool” and think that it will make them cool in turn, incorrect. These are the type of people, who at a festival, will fucking stay in hotels, come out every morning wandering through the dirty little kids who’ve slept in the same clothes for a week - essentially diluting the hardcore.
I think its called “commercial bollocks”.

Gumball is meant to be the ultimate road rally, full of freaks & larger than life characters. It should be that the racing line hits a beach and straight out to the ocean, those without sea cars should be left behind crying and waving their hats in frustration, those with sea cars just carrying on to the next checkpoint, while the others race twice as fast across land to get there, this is what extreme channel need to be showing. wankers.

Other fame hungry desperados include that prick Jamie Theakston and that twat Jimmy Carr, trust me, they ain’t doing it for “charity” it’s a vain ploy to try and get a bit of free publicity and some probable victim they can try to “seduce” with their lack of fame. Hopefully an giant ex-con “angry at the system” man wins them all.

Although, i will keep you updated if i win Miss England & Miss Ireland.
They have to answer the question i’ve sent first though:

Hello!
If i win both Miss England & Miss Ireland, what kind of shows will they perform for me?
I also presume i will keep full video rights of our menage-a-trois for internet broadcast?
Also, do they toss salad?
I presume i won’t have to tip them afterwards as i’ve already won the auction?
Looking forward to (hopefully) winning!!
Your friend,
phucker.

No ones a winner here.

Other news was Nikki from Big Brother 7 having some hissy fit because she wasn’t allowed into the London Fashion week, yeah, who seriously gives a shit? Why was this even wasting my reading time?

Remember that time i wasn’t allowed in some pub in Manchester because i was wearing trainers? yeah, that didn’t get in the news. But then i don’t have a publicist that will whore my ass out for opening an envelope

A German film-maker repeatedly panned for making bad films has been - quite literally - hitting back at his critics in a boxing ring in the Canadian city of Vancouver.

Director Uwe Boll took on four of his critics in a boxing match, after he became annoyed at the barrage of abuse he received from them.

Stolen from This article

Now this is more like it!!!!!!!!!!!
Who would have thought the Canadians had it in em, eh?
But seriously, this guy makes pretty crap low grade horror flicks and there is even petitions to stop him making more films so, knowing this, what the fuck do people expect???

However, this would make a better TV show than “Celebrity Boxing” - just get jaded actors, directors, producers - i’m talking the Keith Chegwin types, to have bare knuckle fights with their critics, film it on night vision cameras bumfight style and screen it late night channel4 - like HBO do with Girls Gone Wild on their box office and it will be winner takes all.

I’d pay to watch that shit.

And too boot, it find out that its thier 25th aniversay of “non stop hits” - yeah riiiight.

I remember MTV back in the 80’s when MTV actually had MUSIC videos on instead of a bunch of friggin mindless, stupid “reality” shows. Yeah, right, like a bunch of fucking american high school dropout/wannabe actors could ever afford a multi-million dollar home in Malibu. And that’s the “Real World”?!?!? Are you fucking joking me?!?!?

With the exception of Viva La Bam & Beavis and Butt-head - that channel hasn’t done anything decent for years. Its just a friggin propaganda machine for all the big record lables to ramp up thier talentless, disposable bands full of fame hungry little fucks who should really be at home perfecting thier careers at mc’donalds - yeah you hear me - ALL boy bands should be officially re-named or at least re-tagegd to “Roanlds Bitch Boys” they know when they realise they actually havn’t written any of thier songs, or produced any of their singles that theres no royalties waiting for them, the record company predators will just drop them like a Gary Glitter contract and the only option they have left after spending thier earnings on coke & pills is to go back to Ronalds Golden Ass. hahaahahah wankers.

Also, clinical proof as to why mtv sucks

This is how Saturday night game shows should be

We need to take more ideas from our Japanese friends - In their game shows, there is no nicey nicey over promoted crap - its straight out & out war, where knowledge is rewarded & ignorance is punished!!!

In this show, the contestants have to answer a series of questions, get them wrong; they get a face full of ass!! Yeah!!!!!!!

Follow through to see the clip

This show is amazing!!!! The presenter ask’s questions, probably something like “yeah where are you from then matey?” and beats them over the head because he doesn’t like their answer!!!!! Then there’s no where for them to go, they are tied to the chair and only have a face full of ass waiting for them!! Genius!!!

I’d like to see Ant & Dec try and pull this off - although now Dale Winton has lost his Saturday night job to fucking Noel Edmunds - this actually would be right up his ally!! phnarr phnarr phnarr

P.S.
I love Japan. I love Japanese game shows.
However, Johnathon Woss needs to stop making Japanorama. Immediately.

They are getting rid of the Red Theme with the skaters & dancers to replace it with some gay hippos and kites

And i quote:

The films, which cost £1.2m, will replace BBC One’s current dance-themed channel idents. They launch on Saturday, 7 October 2006.

Now i’m not joking, but these crack addicts at the beeb are spending other peoples money - read my money - on a new logo, only 4 years after the current ones were introduced and actually THINK its something to brag about - then they are wrong.

They even admit how people really don’t give a shit what their logo looks like on the site:

Former BBC One controller Lorraine Heggessey scrapped the famous globe identity in 2002, after nearly 40 years as the symbol of the channel

YEAH!!!!!!!!!! Doesn’t that tell anyone in their little opium den meeting rooms that no one cared for 40 years about the old one, they were all patiently waiting for BBC PORN to arrive, but never did.

So, why aren’t they putting that money towards a BBC porn channel? Or, towards new programs that DON’T revolve around fucking gardening, cooking re-decorating or buying shit at car boot sales and trying to sell them on at auction rooms??
EVEN better still, they should be out purchasing some ex-eastern block army of refugees and training them to replace Terry fucking Wogan!

With 1.2 mill they could buy rights to programs, or even people, infact, whatever they wanted in countries that no longer have decent governmental systems - i suspect there’s cable channels with programs of men fighting bears for the chance to win their dinner, or people being pelted with scorpions and broken bottles while they scrabble around the floor for cash prizes - these are the visual bites i want to be watching in between programs

But still, i wouldn’t mind a BBC porn channel - i wish those bastards would get on the case. £1.2 Million buys a lot of porn models in St Petersburg

This article in no way applies too BBC News 24 or BBC World Service. They can spend money on whatever they want, i mean, what fucking else would i have to watch in hotel rooms across the world, especially those that don’t have the satellite porn channels. Or mini bars.

The Kazakhstani’s are so mad at Borat that they are making a “£21 million pound epic, the biggest budget in their history” about crap from the 18th century, that’s 300 years ago to make a nationalistic stand against Borat.

But, BETTER STILL, and i quote:

Ali G creator Sacha has come in for criticism from some of the very people he is lampooning with his buffoonish reporter character.

The Kazakh President is even planning to discuss it with George Bush when he visits America later this year.

THEY ARE GOING TO DISCUSS IT WITH GEORGE BUSH!?!?!?!?!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA!!!

First things first, if you invent a time machine and go back to 18th Century Kazakhstan, then you go to present day Kazakhstan, you will notice nothings changed over there!!!

That aside, why is the Kazakh President going crying to George W? Last thing i knew Sacha Baron Cohen was British - more retardation points for everyone here.

These people love Borat, because he could be anyone of them!

This picture, for example, was taken yesterday in a typical Kazak town:

That’s how it works out there, peasant life, the men do nothing but smoke and screw the local hookers, in the most part their sisters then go to men only massage parlours - that’s the way its been since the 18th Century, and that’s the way it is now.
Also, their favourite national program is a dancing bear. These people have got it good.

Anyway, i’m only really using this so i have a good excuse to watch some classic Borat moments, proving that stupid people are everywhere

Borat And The Anti-Semite - video powered by Metacafe

Although, i was, again, more mildly amused by this, the bbc Journo, who’s obviously had nothing much to report on from his luxury apartment in shanghai, thought that he could try and cash in on some of the reflective glory of forth coming Chinese Grand Prix that he decided to dredge up an old story and get a 3 minute set on BBC news 24

So this retard tried to do an expose type report on how the Chinese prisons were selling off Livers, Kidneys, eyeballs etc etc to all those ill & dying law abiding people of the world who couldn’t get one on a waiting list in their own country and were desperate or they were going to die…

i can’t see the problem here, infact, i think its the BEST IDEA EVER!!!!.

People don’t get executed for no good reason - you’ve got to do some pretty fucked up shit to get eliminated from society like that.

Let’s break it down:

So, you’ve caught a murderer, you put him in prison - at the tax payers expense, they pay taxes in the land of the rising sun too you know - this bloke who’s done some killing gets 3 meals a day - heat, light AND water till they decide to bump him off - now that shit don’t come for free - their chief warden thinks “im soon to have a healthy enough dead body on my hands”, so what better way to re-coup some of your losses by selling off the bits that could save someone else’s life?????

Why isn’t this taking off everywhere around the world?!?!?! Imagine bid-up TV get a shipment of eyeballs in, the late night phone bidding will go into a frenzy!!

Infact, this idea is amazing!!

The late night chavs come home to buy some Egyptian towels or some shit after a night of getting pissed on cheap cider outside the off-license, terrorising old ladies who go in there to buy their coal or whatever, impregnating the drunkest 16 year old chavette and successfully robbing stereos from cars to fund this lifestyle - to see the bastards on bid-up.tv parading around some young offender to their prospective bidding clientele to prove he was in good health before the dismemberment - then they show the boxes of his body parts!!!!!

Now that’ll make the little shits think twice about stealing mobile phones et al.

Although, i got to thinking on what extra body parts i may need, apart from a new liver, i thought an extra pair of hands would come in useful - everyone wishes they had em - but there were no hands that took my fancy, shame really. Plus who would want hands that came with welded in Elizabeth Duke Soveriegn rings?!!