Kramer Does a Gibson

Some point over last weekend, Seinfeld’s resident lunatic Cosmo Kramer, aka Michael Richards, flipped the fuck out and went on an insane racial tirade against some hecklers during his live stand up show!!!! Normally, this is an act fueld by the talentless, LSD soaked brain of a wannabe that’s looking for free newspaper headlines, so you would expect more from someone of Richards’s calibre.

I was going to let this pass. Half of the american idiots still think it’s the 60’s and are waiting for the south to rise again, so it’s almost unsurprising. And, the fact that hecklers are idiots, idiots like me.

However, i awake to read that he has now hired a publicist to “smooth things over”?!?!?! What the crap?! Instead of hiding away practising burning crosses in his garden, he’s out on a “blazing” media publicity trail “to clear his name” doing all the US talk shows and meeting with Cultural Leaders!!! It all beggars belief - just go on Oprah, apologise and let the kangaroo court that is public opinion toll the bells of forgiveness or damnation.

Anyway, thanks to the powers of the internet, this act of career suicide didn’t go undocumented. By Monday, the good folks of TMZ.com had the video online; click on through to see the video and a couple of the subsequent primetime “apologies”

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Sadly, Calum Best escapes a whipping

Calum Best, although not as retarded as Paul Danan he is as vile and still pisses me off. So, the best news i hear in ages comes via the mongoloids over at MSN with what will never be voted “news story of the year”, but should be, Police rescue Calum Best from yobs

Playboy Calum Best has been rescued by police after revellers at a nightclub threatened to turn nasty.

HAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Finally, the baying mobs retaliate!! It was only a matter of time really!! You go on “reality tv” and act like a complete nonce, what do you expect?!??!?! A pat on the back?!?! HHAHAHAHA i’m still laughing!!!!

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Pete Doherty watch

Possibly the BEST invention EVER from the good folks at Rolling Stone.com the “Pete Doherty Watch”

Not withstanding his alleged engagement to Kate Moss and the rumour that’s she’s up the duff with his spawn, we all know he’s going to fall off the wagon soon. pussy.

graham norton “i think im zammo”

Obviously a slow news day over at MSN - so they come out with this “gem” stolen from a Marie Clair interview with Graham Norton.

TV star Graham Norton has revealed he has taken “loads of drugs” and that the drug ecstasy is “just fantastic - really, really fun”.

Yeah - good one Norton you donkeys cock.

Obviously in some desperate attempt to sound “cool” and appeal to old skool ravers Norton has decided to show off his drug consumption to “identify” with those, now, 30 something’s that need something to watch on a Saturday night while they snorting lines of coke from their IKEA coffee tables. i don’t buy it for a minute.

However - what an excellent advert for his loyal band of 13 to 15 year old supports he’s gaining from his primetime contract at the beeb. I’m sure they all wanted to know what the next logical step up from snatching gulps of their mother’s gin and drinking cocktails made from the contents of Liquors chocolates would be… yeah pills & “loads of drugs”.

We all know that Norton was probably wandering through canal street pumped up to the eyeballs on liquid gold and thought he was on Crystal Meth or something and probably spent the next month “coming down” and bragging about it to all the fag hags and twink’s that make up his entourage.

Bring back Kenny Everett or John Inman. ASAP.

Celebrity Sex Tapes

Unearthed by the good folks at TMZ the latest in the whole line of Hollywood Celebrity Sex Tapes has come to light…..
Who could it be? Another Paris Hilton Tape? Another Pamela Anderson Tape??

Is it Bollocks - it’s fucking Screech from Saved by the Bell!!!!

Yepp, the crystal meth & crack pipe has finally broken this moron’s mind. He has decided to try and cash in the power of his real name “Dustin Diamond”, which no one can deny is probably the ultimate 70’s porno name ever without having to use your first pets name, the street you first puked on, the number of the 3rd house you lived at or however the shit you generate your own porno name.

That’s not all, his crack addled brain obviously thought - “Well, i don’t want to make a fake porno like the rest, i better mix it up a bit” So, he films himself giving the groupie a Dirty Sanchez!!!!

Well done Screech, you fucktard.

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the week of desperate Z-lister’s

Fucking hell, roaming through the pages of eBay i come across this shit - dream dates with “celebritys” one of them is Chris Tarrant, WTF!?!?!?!??!?!?
That fuckers only just got divorced from his wife after he admitted porking some ugly ass blonde teacher, now he’s whoring himself to some other bored housewife that no doubt he’s going to try and grope up on the set of “Who wants to be a Millionaire”.

Other fame hungry desperados include that prick Jamie Theakston and that twat Jimmy Carr, trust me, they ain’t doing it for “charity” it’s a vain ploy to try and get a bit of free publicity and some probable victim they can try to “seduce” with their lack of fame. Hopefully an giant ex-con “angry at the system” man wins them all.

Although, i will keep you updated if i win Miss England & Miss Ireland.
They have to answer the question i’ve sent first though:

Hello!
If i win both Miss England & Miss Ireland, what kind of shows will they perform for me?
I also presume i will keep full video rights of our menage-a-trois for internet broadcast?
Also, do they toss salad?
I presume i won’t have to tip them afterwards as i’ve already won the auction?
Looking forward to (hopefully) winning!!
Your friend,
phucker.

No ones a winner here.
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