ASBO teen to Beauty Queen

I am NOT making this up!!!! This ACTUALLY IS the title of five’s latest offering!!!! ASBO TEEN TO BEAUTY QUEEN!!!!!!

Basically, a rip-off of Itv’s Ladette to Lady. If it were on BBC, it would have been called “inner city child to concert pianist”, ITV, obviously wanting that bit more of a bite of the 18-30s crowd, fire it up to “ladette to lady” and five just think - FUCK IT LETS TELL IT AS IT IS!!!!! HAHAHAHAAA!!!!

You can’t make this shit up - the staff at North One must have just sat there, jacking up speedballs, thinking.. Yeah Ladette was good… but what we need is BIGGER GOLD HOOPS and MORE SOVERIEGN RINGS AND A FUCKING ASBO!!! THAT’S THE KEY!!! AN ASBO!!!!!!

So what do they do? Go round the worst estates in Manchester, round up the worst Chavettes that hold a council estate badge of honour, the hallowed ASBO - and put them on TV to turn them into American Beauty Pageant contestants!!!!!!!

WHAT IN CRAPS NAME?!?!!?!?!? And, that IS what they put on YOUR TV!!!!!!

Read the rest >>

Hi, I’m Sheriff John Bunnell

HOLY FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I forgot how friggin AMAZING five’s Worlds Wildest Police Videos is!!!!!!!!It’s not just seeing all the dozens & dozens of coked up & drunk rednecks getting mowed down by the cops - it’s because of the legendary commentary of the silver fox that is JOHN BUNDELL!!!! This orange overlord has got more one liner’s than David Dickinson, whiter teeth than Jodie Marsh and more melodramatic puns than Sunset Beach!!!!!!!!

This guy is a freakin AWESOME!!! Sheriff Bunnell guides us through the hours of state trooper video footage, laced with the best quotes known to man!!!Forget sending out all these fucking Chuck Norris lists - it should be this JOHN BUNDELL QUOTE LIST!!!!!!

Read the rest >>