Archive for
October, 2006
October 1st, 2006
Well, this week formula 1 went to the land of the rising sun, China. Thinking about it actually, with the recent prisoner organ sale scandal i actually understand now why Bernie Ecclestone was so keen to go there…he’s obviously got some deal going where he gets all the blood & body parts of the prisoners that he needs to use in his satanic rituals to keep the ageing demons away!! Seriously, this guy has got to be at least 100 years old, yet he still there every Sunday, peddling his wares.
However, i digress.
China was the best race of the season so far. The championship is now going to be a straight battle for the next two races, which will obviously culminate in the favour of scuderia Ferrari, for which we should all be happy.
BUT, let me tell you where Bernie Ecclestone & this current F1 bunch of clowns have got it all wrong.
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October 2nd, 2006
Its not very often i see something about books or learning that i actually pay any attention too - the TV & special brew fixed that, but this one is more than worthy of a mention:
CELEBUTARD!
“Celebutard” - a blend of celebrity, debutante and retard - would be used to describe a celebrity noted for displays of stupidity.
HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHHA AHAHAHHAHHAHA!!!!
This is the best part “used to describe a celebrity noted for displays of stupidity”. So that means virtually ALL current Hollywood wannabes / glorified fluffers
Even though it may not replace my preferred use of “Fucktard”, this is possibly the best word to come into the English vocabulary since chavalanche
And for the Sesame Street part:
Celebutard has been bought to you by Colins Word web and is featuring in a new book I Smirt, You Stooze, They Krump.
October 3rd, 2006
Posted
in
US tv by
phucker
Lost starts back on US TV tomorrow night and it seems that people are actually getting excited about this?!! What in shits name is wrong with them?!?!?!
Let me get this straight from the outset:
LOST IS THE MOST RETARDED SHOW EVER
Channel 4 went on a full offensive to ramp this show up when it first arrived in the UK, even tricking me with their slick promo of seemingly drugged up lunatics dancing to the seminal tune of
Portishead - Numb on a beach with a smashed aeroplane AND stuff on fire! Now, i think to myself - “yeah… fire, smashed stuff… portishead… i wonder if there will be midgets…” Any show that uses a teaser like that i want part of!
How wrong could i be?
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October 4th, 2006
Horizon hit another classic show with Survivors guide to plane crashes last night!!
This is what TV needs to start doing more - installing the fear of god into already nervous flyers - but at the same time, training the more CTU minded of us with more way’s of leaving our dieing “friends” in blazing aircraft, while we escape with an airhostess, the airlines supply of champagne and a duty free watch.
Normally, i size up my fellow passengers for one’s that i may have to maim should they get out of hand on any flight i embark on - but these power’s of pre-emptive reconnaissance are increased with my new found knowledge of surviving the point of impact, crashing into the sea and what to do in a fire.
This in mind, here is my DEFINATIVE guide for surviving a flight - even if it doesn’t crash.
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October 5th, 2006
Posted
in
itv2 by
phucker
Do you know what this is?
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That is me ACTUALLY punching the keyboard in anger just thinking about this idiot Danan.
This Grade A cunt pisses me off so bad i can’t even begin to express it, yet late last night i’m flicking through the channels after the 10 minute preview on Television X and i find some show that has completely passed my television radar -
Test Drive my Girlfriend”.
What in the phuck is this shit?!!!!!!!
Danan - proven psychotic Z-list celebrity - who stalked the girls on Celebrity Chlamydia Island to the point of almost sexual harassment, get’s sent out on dates with poor fame hungry little girls, infact, in last nights case, some un-suspecting polish refugee - WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!
At least they should have had the decency to send him out with people who know his track record!!
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October 8th, 2006
Obviously a slow news day over at MSN - so they come out with this “gem” stolen from a Marie Clair interview with Graham Norton.
TV star Graham Norton has revealed he has taken “loads of drugs” and that the drug ecstasy is “just fantastic - really, really fun”.
Yeah - good one Norton you donkeys cock.
Obviously in some desperate attempt to sound “cool” and appeal to old skool ravers Norton has decided to show off his drug consumption to “identify” with those, now, 30 something’s that need something to watch on a Saturday night while they snorting lines of coke from their IKEA coffee tables. i don’t buy it for a minute.
However - what an excellent advert for his loyal band of 13 to 15 year old supports he’s gaining from his primetime contract at the beeb. I’m sure they all wanted to know what the next logical step up from snatching gulps of their mother’s gin and drinking cocktails made from the contents of Liquors chocolates would be… yeah pills & “loads of drugs”.
We all know that Norton was probably wandering through canal street pumped up to the eyeballs on liquid gold and thought he was on Crystal Meth or something and probably spent the next month “coming down” and bragging about it to all the fag hags and twink’s that make up his entourage.
Bring back Kenny Everett or John Inman. ASAP.
October 9th, 2006
While looking for naked pictures of forthcoming “im a Celebutard get me out of here” contestant Gemma Atkinson, i found this gem:
Man, Kim Bauer aka Elisha Cuthbert is getting hotter & sluttier as time goes on. This is a good thing.
So hopefully it’s playboy for her soon - its too bad she’s too high profile now to descend into proper porn, although saying that she hasn’t been in any major movies, so there are still possibilities
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October 9th, 2006
Kim Jong’s Nuclear test in North Korea and BBC’s airing of new flagship saturday night show, Robin Hood happening at the same time… coincidence? I think NOT.
Kim Probably launched it with the message “oh herrro! show that robin hood shit again and the next time it won’t miss”
According to CTU insiders who also discovered the hidden Kim Jong Live Journal detailing his love for TV.
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October 10th, 2006
Posted
in
itv4 by
phucker
“I like to make poo-snowballs and throw them at people YAAAAAAAAYYY!”
POO SNOWBALLS!!!!!!!!!!! GENIUS!!!!!
Special ED comes up with the best stuff EVER. Stuff i need to be saying on a daily basis.
I can’t believe this is possibly THE most under rated show on TV EVER. Who in shits mind puts TV gold on at 2AM on ITV 4 on a frikkin school night?!?!?!?!?
This is where those amphetamine freak late night programming schedulers go wrong, fair enough, this show is perfect fodder for the unemployable, stoners and students, who would be up at that time of the night, but the likes of me who have to contend with not passing out before 2am on a Monday Night after a heavy evening sniffing the oven cleaner, need to see it at prime time - i don’t care about what other crap they’ve got on, its ITV 4 for fucks sake, no one watches it apart from ME.
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October 10th, 2006
THIS SHOW IS OFFICIALLY AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!
It’s finally got so bad, that it is now top of my TV agenda!! hahahaa!!!
This week, saw the chavette’s back and on the case having to cook for this week’s selection of fop’s.
Although i doubt very much the chavette’s have got beyond Pot Noodles & Diamond white in the kitchen and probably thought Kebabs were a Japanese delicacy, but this didn’t stop that one from Two Fat Ladies(who actually wasn’t a fat lady, but should have been) putting them in a kitchen and making them pluck the animals i normally hit in my car after a night boozing.
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