Right. I’m addicted to the snooker, therefore i will be abusing phuckd again. Updates will return to normal once I’ve lost all my money on Betfair, which looks like it’ll be pretty soon.
So, keep yourself amused and have a look at these links of TV people disgracing themselves, bunch of idiots.
Them, not you. Well, maybe you.
The long and noble tradition of calling live TV shows and swearing at them has always made me laugh. Peter Andre, rightly being labelled ‘a media Whore’, Five Star being asked ‘Why are you so fucking crap?’ the list goes on.
But, sadly, now all the saturday morning shows have proper screening in place, quiz tv has become the last bastion for any wannabe prank caller.
Go watch the clips, it’s Friday, you’re doing fuck all else at work, bar wasting time on the internet. Keep it up.
Basically - shit. (Apart from Faceman and Cleo, obviously)
Bringing Jade Goody back, with clan in tow, was probably funny on paper. By paper i of course mean the rolled up £20 note that was conducting the speedballs from the porcelain chopping board to the producers fucking nostrils. Bunch of cunts.
Who even thinks of this shit?!!?!? Jade was to be left as she was; the village idiot that people liked because she was a bit of a flid, had the geographical skills of a monkey and almost anything she did, especially punching old grannies, would be good fodder for the gossip columns.
But no, we get her AND the one armed lesbian bandit that is Jackiey Goody - thank piss she was evicted last night. No more can she fantasise about doing the scissors with Jo Omera, no longer does she have to wave her Jeremy Beadle arm around because she can’t get her own way, it’s back to collecting ASBO’s and drinking White lightening on The Heath for her.
First things first - could Davina’s Hoops have BEEN ANY BIGGER?!?!?! What wrong with the girl?!?! She was reeking of a Burberry tinged shopping trip with Queen of the Chavs, Daniella Westbrook!!! PLUS HOW much BOTOX had she been through before opening night?!!?!? I couldn’t even iron my shirts and crease free as her face was!!! Fucking hell!!!
Anyway, that aside, as her eyebrows made her look like she was in a permanent state of shock, she did go through the emotional vocal scale to match expression to visage when she had to describe the “torture” the new lot of Z-listers will have to go through by sharing a communal bedroom and one double bed - WHO GIVES A PISS?!?!?!? They do the same for the public Big Brother in summer - what makes these washed up fucking nobodies any different?!?!?!? They all still shit & piss the same as anyone else in the world - they don’t deserve any special treatment!!! When was the last time any of them were out performing heart surgery?? Feeding the homeless?? NEVER!! They are just a bunch of cunts, apart from the Faceman and shilpa, and thus should be treated with the same contempt as the normal BB wannabes, infact even MORE because they get a larger fee for appearing for less time!!!!! HAHAHAHAH!!!! WANKERS.
Right, here’s the clutch of cunts that actually got in… Shockingly, probably only two of them anyone under 30 would ever recognise
FACE FROM THE A-TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE FACEMAN!!!!!!!!
HOLY FUCK!!! LT. Templeton “Faceman” Peck!!!!!!!!
It actually happened, the newspaper lies came true and Dirk Benedict went into the big brother house!! The king of Sauvé, the master of the con and he nailed at least one of the leading ladies in EVERY episode of THE A-TEAM!!!!!!!!!
AND they drove him in to the theme of the a-team, IN THE A-TEAM VAN!!!!!!!!!!! (although a bad version, the real a-team van didn’t have a red leather interior, nor was it grey & black)
I fucking flipped out!! Worse than the N64 kid
Who in craps name at the BBC decided to re-incarnate Anthea Turner as “the perfect housewife“?!?!? Let us not forget Anthea’s infamous bed hoping of the late 90’s!! Peter Powell or the feverishly insane Della Bovey should be talking heads on some review show featuring this crap, post-haste!!!!
Plus, selling wedding photos “sponsored by Cadburys” is hardly covered by Debrett’s Guide AND considering it’s on the beeb, the only chocolate finger’s going into her mouth on this show better be Bovey’s after he’s give her the rusty fish hook!!!!
So, Anthea, now marked as the UK version of Martha Stewart, (probably conceived when Martha was cleaning carpet in prison after her dodgy share dealings and they thought there wouldn’t be any copyright violation) sits in her Surrey mansion, cleaning anything that moves away into cupboards and wrapping her furniture in cling film, waiting for her latest batch of disorganised housewives to arrive to teach to them how to fold towels and clean their houses, amongst other crap.
The only thing going for this show is the femme on femme sado-machoistic elements. Anthea marshalling her victims like a grown up Veruca Salt, barking commands until their submission to her wicked ways.
Everyone loves the Hoff. Fact. Strangely, some more than others…
the Hoff has been providing years of entertainment - all the endless photo shoots, posed for in his pants at the height of his powers as Micheal Knight, have been Photoshop fodder and afternoon email attachment classics for every fucker who has nothing better to do at work.
However, the main man is letting this internet fuelled fame go to his head. Not content with fighting security and getting thrown out of Wimbledon while smashed out of his brains on alcopops - he then actually believed the hype and re-released his classic track Jump In My Car - but this is no good!!!!
He actually now wants a statue made in honour of him!!!! A shrine to the Hoff!!! So fans have been obliging!!!!!
HOLY PISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Forget Jack LaLanne’s feeble attempt at a blender, THESE SODS have the best blender EVER INVENTED!!!
WHY? BECAUSE IT BLENDS STUFF!!!!!!!!! ACTUAL STUFF, not friggin fruits & vegetables!!!! It blends CROWBARS, MARBLES, IPODS, RAKES, GOLF BALLS AND MORE!!!!! THIS IS HOW TO SELL A MERE BLENDER!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!
When you hear someone marvelling about the Boffins at British Leyland, FORGET them!!!! FORGET THEY EVEN INVENTED ANYTHING!!! Here is the ONLY boffin you need to listen too - TOM DICKINSON!!! He just sits at home waiting for his wife to buy things, then takes them to his LAB and BLENDS them!!!!! BLENDS THEM TO DUST!!!!!!!!!
Let’s see this genius in action!!!
Although Noel Edmunds is evil & really pisses me off, his stupid ass box game does throw up some delights in human misery… the latest one being the “donna” episode.
Normally the morons that get to choose the boxes think they are clever and have some sort of “system” to “beat the banker” (P.S NO you don’t, IDITOTS) and this is what normally angers me. There IS NO SYSTEM to this game!!!!! It’s pure chance!!!! You’ve got to be lucky and that’s it!! This stupid mutnick WAS actually lucky & having a good game… until she called over her ugly monkey looking fiancé for advice… then it all went wrong… oh sooooo wrong!!! HAHAHAHA!!!
Let us relive the last ten minutes of the game, from the deal to the devastation!!
I don’t understand what wrong with people - how in shits name did Matt Willis win I’m a celebutard??!!!!
The shower scenes PEOPLE??? Were they all in vain?!?!?!?
Yet again, it goes to prove the voting public sit in unicorn wallpaper clad rooms voting as many times as there are glowing stars on their ceilings. These same people will put Take That at number 1 this Christmas, be warned.
Anyway - let us console ourselves with the Myleene Shower videos
